Sunday, November 25, 2007

- Sorry, Everyone

For personal reasons hiatus is in effect until further notice. I'd like to thank all of you who stop by.

In the words of the immortal Gen Mac: I shall return!

Remember, there ain't no Meat like Meat In The Seat!


Sunday, November 18, 2007

- Your Attention, Please

So, are there any readers in the house from Guildford County, NC or the surrounding area? If so, drop a comment or an email, because I need to know who you are! Important stuff!

I can be reached at .


Saturday, November 17, 2007

- To Infinity, and Beyond!

As told to me by SpiderMan, my preceptor, yesterday:

"So we get this call out for a guy complaining of weakness and syncope. We get on scene, and this guy looks completely spent - like, totally drained, can barely move, etc. Complaining of head pain, says he can barely move his legs, and is really tired, that he just wants to lay on the couch. We finally manage to get out of him that he had taken some Cialis, and that he thought that it reacted with some of his other medication, but he wont tell me anything else.

Finally we get him loaded up, we get over to the hospital. We note that the only other medicine the guy is taking is Augmentin. Anyway, we look it up in the drug book and it says that Cialis has been noted to react with Augmentin in a very unusual away - it potentiates the feeling of 1,000 times.


Apparently the guy decided to check the equipment, so to speak. When he "peaked", he had a climax 1,000 times greater than his usual one. The guy totally lost it - it just blew him away. No wonder he couldn't walk and was feeling dizzy."

We better keep this a secret. If the teenagers ever find out it's going to be a disaster.


- 10K Hits #1

In lieu of making an entry here, I'd like to post a clipping off a message I sent to my best friend and what he wrote back. This was in early 06, when I was going through some pretty tough shit, and had reverted back to my old partying ways, and when I got done with that I found out who my friends really were...


I was just looking at the old photos of NGS (MY OLD BAND-ED.) playing together on our old webpage that's still kind of up. It made me think of NGS and the early days before kyle joined and it was just you and me and Thomas running around in his Eagle and going to wal-mart. I'm kind of nostalgic for those days...I miss them. I miss drinking sodas out of your mom's fridge and hanging out with you and the gang and pegging the fuck out of each other with air soft guns. I know we're pretty busy and I also know that it's no one's fault but my own. I've been a real shitty friend for probably the past couple of years now but you still come out and listen to me at the shows and call me up every once in a while, and when I do get back to you I know I can be short and kind of an ass and I don't talk much. You've been a much better friend then I deserve. I just wanted to thank you for that and let you know how much of a douche I've been. I think our friendship is one of the most positive things that's ever happened in my life and I never have put into it as much as I got out of it. So I'm sorry, and thanks.

His Response:
Know what you mean man, I look fondly back on those days too. I don't know what it is but things were just really fun back then. I realize everyone gets busy. Over the past couple of years I've realized that everyone eventually goes their separate ways, and that's fine ya know, just still got to find time to be friends. Dude, I've never thought of you as any less of a friend because of anything you ever did. i might not agree with everything you have done, but hey that's me. I'm not going to let it mess up a friendship that has lasted this long. Sometimes i feel like i can't hangout (as much) with a lot of my friends because i don't really like to go out to bars, or drink that much. but dude, call me anytime when you aren't working. Ok shit I'm rambling now. get back to me on this, or something. talk to you later man.

Robby and I hooked up in eighth grade and started a punk band. Although that has since faded he's been the one constant friend I've had throughout the years, the one who I can call and would always call me back, the one who calls me if I don't call him, who's content to hang out and listen to me bitch, play music, whatever. I don't think I'll even be half the friend to him that he is to me, but I'm gonna goddamn well try.

Sorry for the serious stuff, folks. Just working around a little writer's block.


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

- It's the time of the season.

I wont give in to the temptation to blog about the oncoming Christmas blitz - it's pretty much been covered. As a lark, I've decided to blog out each entry in the 10,000 hits post...look for that coming soon!Haven't had much motivation to write lately - as AD pointed out it's still beautiful down here, and I actually went for a walk the other day. And not just to McDonald's! It was at the park!

This fellow, by the way, is MedicDog...handsome, aint he? He stays with MedicMom since I have no backyard...and he's pretty god damned smart. Loves squirrels. Loves barking. Loves bacon. Loves sleeping. Not too different from MedicMarch, actually...MedicMom is not pleased that I've been tying to teach him how to open the front door. I don't think it's fair that she was so behind him getting taught how to fetch the paper but is upset about this. I'm just trying to give him a good education.

What's going on in my life? Hmm. The latest applicant for MedicGirlfriend and I have parted ways. We were working opposite shifts and...well, she wasn't too sharp. Granted, I'm a pretty unusual feller, but after the fifteenth or sixteenth time I've had to explain a reference...well, it gets old. Cest la vie. To quote The Oblongs ..."Love is a joke with no punchline."

Uh. Except for AD's and Babs's. Cause AD pretty much knows where I live and too many places to hide bodies in the swamp. And Babs can almost certainly kick my ass. So, uh, only the best, guys. Please don't hurt me.

I was passed out dreaming yesterday, seducing Civil War era Southern Belles as a dashing blockade runner - "Oooh, March LeFitte, you are positively giving me the vap-uhs!", when MedicMom called me and woke me up to tell me she had booked me a day at the spa.

At first, I was confused ("MedicMom, didn't I just say MedicGIRLFRIEND? I don't want to prance around in a skimpy towel"). This gradually gave way to elation - I was imagining cute, giggly Asian girls with only the shakiest grasp on English. I'm an evil man, and I decided I DO want to prance around in a skimpy towel. But again, this gradually gave way to another feeling - suspicion.

"Wait a minute. You've got that tone in your voice. What's the catch?"

"Well, I actually just scheduled to get your back waxed."

Allow me to paint an image in your mind. Imagine, if you will, a large gorilla. Now give him a fancy Italian haircut and a stethoscope, and you've pretty much got a rough idea of what I look like. Naked. With a stethoscope. I am, needless to say, less than thrilled with the idea of getting my back waxed.

"Don't be a sissy," she tells me. "Plenty of guys do it all the time."

"MedicMom, they're YANKING THE HAIR OUT OF MY BACK WITH HOT WAX. No! I'm not doing it."

"Call J! She's the one who's going to do it."

J is a friend of ours who runs a spa here in town. I call her up.

"Hey there, MedicMarch. You ready to get your back waxed?"

"No! It's torture. You can't even do that shit to the prisoners at Guantanamo!"

"It's not that bad! You've had your eyebrows done, right?"

I have, in fact, had my eyebrows waxed in the past. Not to get them all shapely and feminine, but just to keep it from looking like someone had underlined my forehead with a big ole 44 magnum permanent marker. I didn't care for it much at all. I really don't understand how someone can have a bikini wax ::shudders::. The eyebrows nearly put me over the edge. It's not the pain so much as it's the sensation of having the hairs yanked out of my face.

"Yes, I've had it done. On the pain scale, what do you rate getting your eyebrows done?"

J thinks for a moment. "Hmmm. I suppose that's about a two."

For one brief glimmering moment, I am hopeful.

Of course, if you read this blog at all, you know that This is a mistake.

"Well, that's not so bad, I guess. What would you say getting your back done is?"

"Well, I've never had it done myself, obviously, but from my customers reactions, I'd say...hmmm....probably a six.

"A Six? A SIX?! Are you serious? That's three times the pain of getting my eyebrows done on an area that's two feet by two and a half feet! I'll never be able to sleep on my back again! You might accidentally rip out my spine!"

J eventually got me calmed down and told me when I was ready to give her a call.

Le sigh. I do not look forward to this.