Monday, March 16, 2009

- Izzy Tales

I was off the truck over 10 days recently on a minivaction for a friend's wedding. This meant my partner, Izzy, was working with a swing medic, who for clarity shall hence forth be referred to as "Swingy" . This is one of the adventures she told me about.

Also, it's pretty gross. Don't read if you have a weak stomach.

* * *

"Oh, god, March, I wanted to DIE this weekend."

"What happened?"

"Well, Swingy and I had gotten our butts kicked all night. We were just about to head home and get off shift when they gave us a Critical Care call at Incompetence Memorial Hospital coming back to Metropolitan ER. We get there to find this massive lady intubated with all kinds of medicine flowing into her, still on a spineboard. She had a history as long as my arm. Apparently she had coded and they brought her to IMH where they got her back. We load her up and drive over to Metro to drop her off."

"When we get to Metro, the hallway is full of every doctor, nurse , and tech that can be corralled. We transfer her over, and I'm standing down at the end of the board. I don't know why what happened next happened, but I'm so thankful it happened."

"I'm down at the end of the board and step to the side a little bit. I don't know why I stepped to the the side, I just did. There was no reason for me to. "

"All of a sudden, the most rotten, disgusting, and vile stench that has ever passed these nostrils invades my sinuses and will NOT GET OUT. I look at where I was just standing and there is a brown waterfall spewing from between her legs, flowing down the board, splattering onto the floor. "

"Everyone starts gagging. The room is silent except for retches and a doctor at the head of the bed who says 'Um, I believe that is feces!' (at this point I want to yell 'no shit, Sherlock'! but I'm gagging too hard)."

She looks nauseous at this point. "One of the nurses was hunched over a trash can vomiting and crying, crying and vomiting."

"It smelled like every single piece of bacteria and rot that had been lodged in this woman's body in the past 60 years all of a sudden exited her bowels...explosively. It was the worse thing ever."

* * *
Apparently here People start leaving the room in droves, but the Critical room at Metropolitan is really crowded, so a bottle neck forms at the exit. People could not leave fast enough to escape the poo.

* * *

"Swingy comes out of the ER later and sits down. He's all sweaty and kind of pale. 'Izzy,' he goes, 'that is the worst thing I have ever smelled. Worse than any decubitis, any GI bleed, anything. Ever."

Izzy looks a little green around the gills.

"Horrible. It was a brown waterfall of death." She swallows heavily.

"Glad I was in Lake City!"

"Asshole."


-MM

7 comments:

Loving Annie said...

YEAH, NOTHING WORSE THAN POO IN A HOSPITAL WITHOUT WINDOWS/FRESH AIR, THE POWER OF MATCHES/SULPHER AND WITHOUT THE WATER IN A TOILET TO DISGUISE ITS POWER AND GET RID OF ITS STENCH QUICKLY.

copswife said...

I just want to say that my word verification is:

trymyto

Not as gross as poo, but totally funny.

copswife said...

come on

Try my toe.

Bernice said...

I threw in a sympathy wretch for Izzy. I can't even imagine. Blehck.

Matt M said...

You have my sympathy. However, whoever has to clean that room has even more.

My word verification: nocoli

Ha!

WVmedicgirl said...

I just discovered your blog today, thanks to AD's blog. Anyways I want to say I definitly got a few strange looks during my shift due to me trying to stifle my laughing which turned into snorting...

pixie.dust said...

Wow ... if it overcame an entire room of ER employees, it must have been darn near toxic! LOL