Friday, July 17, 2009

- Fucktard Comment Round-Up

Analyst: Well, hey there folks, and welcome to another edition of Fucktard Comment Round-Up, the show where we take idiotic blogger comments and dissect them into easy to mock pieces for your viewing pleasure! I'm Roy Desoto, and this is my partner Johnny Gage. Looks like we have a pretty good match, Johnny.

Color Announcer: That’s right Roy, and boy do we have a humdinger of a fucktard today. Stepping into the spotlight is gjerry3. Although an obvious rookie with a join date of July 2009 he’s already come to our attention with some vicious attacks on perennial Duster Wrangler and hometown favorite AD, the paramedic behind “A Day in the Life of an Ambulance Driver”. The setup is basically that ole AD here brought his motorcycle to the shop “Cycles and More” and called several weeks later to find out not only had they not made the simple repairs to his motorcycle, they hadn’t even looked at it yet. As always we encourage our readers to review the original post and familiarize themselves with the history in order to more fully enjoy our…analysis. Please scroll down the comment section in the original post to review Gjerry's pitiful and amatuer attempt at flame in it's original setting.

Analyst: Here’s how to rules work. Spelling, grammar, and content of the offending post are left intact to illustrate the incompetence of the comment poster. I tell you, Johnny, it’s enough to make me want to don a Level 4 containment suit, because I’m embarrassed to even breathe the same air as the individual we are mocking today.

Color Announcer: And from the looks of it gjerry3 is lucky that breathing is an automatic bodily function, because if he had to do it on his own….yikes. Anyway, let’s get started.

I notice you took my comments off I guess the truth makes you run. Now for all your readers lets tell them the truth.

Color Announcer: Oof, not off to an auspicious start. Too bad they can’t lock someone up for raping the English language. I surprised he didn't spell "truth" with an "f".

Analyst: It would later be revealed that the comments were never deleted. Fuckface McGee was on a different entry and didn’t even realize it.

U live in the Oakdale are nobody in that area would work on your bike.

Analyst: What the hell?

Color Announcer: “ U live in the Oakdale are nobody”? That…that’s not even coherent. The whole sentence is one giant grammatical abortion. It’s like something someone on a 40-year drunk says whenever you’re putting him on a spine board. What is this guy’s problem? Is he just pounding his fists down on random sets of letters? I’ve seen cats walking across a keyboard that string together more cohesive thoughts then this moron.

Because they know you’re a douche bag.

Color Announcer: Ah yes. The thing you see every morning when you wake up, sir.

Then you found cycles and more they tried to help in every way possible your u cant be pleased.

Color Announcer: Tried to help in every possible? When? What document are you reading, gjerry3? I think you’ve gotten AD’s complaint letter with a self-help book of some sort.

Analyst: Perhaps, Johnny, he’s referring to a Cycles and More in some sort of BIZZARO alternate dimension, where up is down, black is white, and his man-package is actually capable of satisfying his seemingly endless parade of toothless, meth-addicted lovers.

So now u feel the need to blast them. And another thing if you’re going to post the prices at least put the correct ones on.

Color Announcer Well, we’re going to have to deduct some points here. If you’re going to drop flames on a blog entry, gjerry3, make sure you have the correct entry.

Analyst: A rookie mistake for gjerry3. I tell you, it’s been going dismally so far and this is going to hurt his chances to place in the final.

All u have left is Lafayette power sports good luck. You’ve burned your bridge in more ways than one stupid

Analyst: Just like the day you walked out of 3rd grade English in elementary school, eh, Gjerry? It would appear that you never met a piece of punctuation that tickled "you're" fancy long enough to use it more than twice in a paragraph. Does the part of your brain necessary for tact, reasoning, and intelligence even receive circulation? I submit that it does not. Johnny?

Color Announcer: I’m scared, Roy! I’m trapped in a black hole of stupidity and I’m about to cross the event horizon!

Analyst: Don’t try to touch the singularity, Johnny; it makes your fingers tingle. From my partner Johnny and all of us here at Fucktard Comment Round-Up, we bid you good night, and good luck!

(H/T To AD for the original concept.)

-MM

9 comments:

Ambulance Driver said...

Heh,

I LOLed.

alight said...

"I’m trapped in a black hole of stupidity and I’m about to cross the event horizon!"

hehe!!

Dani said...

This was a truly amazing post. Thanks for the laugh.

Epijunky said...

*Clapping*

Brilliant, Sir.

Medic7 said...

VERY funny. I liked "don't touch the singularity..."

Very nice.

RevMedic said...

Very well done! Thanks for the laughs on a Monday morning.

patently-absurd said...

you are funnay as shiat, and WTF - is it required of blog-commenters to be utterly devoid of the ability to SPELL?@!?! WFT?

Incidentally, who the FARK biatches at an EMT and/or other ilk of medical professional who might someday be the trigger man on whether one lives or dies? Shees - why not poop on a priest? Whiz on a warlock!? Throw dirt at a diety? I AXE YOU! ;) i lurve yer blawg. Their, I fufilt my dootie to spel bad when I are comentting! ;)

Parameddan said...

Wow, yea I missed your blog. That was an excellent post and hope that you keep up the funny shit!

petrenkov said...

Pretty nice blog you've got here. Thank you for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read more on that blog soon.

Best regards
Timm Clade