Saturday, December 15, 2012

- Whoops

We had just transferred care of a patient and I'm making eyes and telling jokes to this overly made up nurse who is sitting next to three other relatively attractive nurses at a local ER. One of my friends, one of the ones sitting next to the Barbie, works there. She's entering information about a patient and gets a confused look on her face. I ask her what's up, and she tells me.

"I don't know how to describe my patient's pee."

I suavely look at the squadron of nurses and say, "I'm pretty creative. I think I can I can help you."

The Barbie looks at her friends and looks back up at me in shock. "You really want to do that?" Her eyebrows go up.

I give an arrogant toss of my shoulders. "It's just pee. How hard can this be?", and walk into the room behind my friend. I can see Barbie's reflection in the glass of the patient's room. She looks just like a confused puppy, albeit  one used for cosmetic testing.

My friend closes the door and goes to the side of the bed, where I assume I'm about to inspect a Foley bag filled with urine that looks like a resort of sea monkeys. Instead, she reaches down and grabs the corner of the patient's blanket, which she promptly pulls all the way up to the patient's chest. Ok, this is weird.

The Barbie nurse sneaks in with us, still staring at me, which is getting a little freaky.

I turn around to find my friend holding the patient's junk in her hands, pointing to the weirdest Foley insertion I've ever seen - it's like a supra pubic catheter placement, except going through the patient's scrotum.

I suddenly realize that my friend didn't say "I don't know how to describe my patient's pee."

She said "I don't know how to describe my patient's penis."

And in their eyes, I went from flirting with 4 hot ladies to immediately and enthusiastically attempting to stare at a patient's wiener.



Friday, September 21, 2012

A little bit of blogroll housecleaning, and two posts for today below. I guess the writing bug has got me again. If you would like your blog linked, leave a comment with below with the address and  I'll check it out, as long as it's hosptial/EMS/FF/PD related, I'll probably link it.

As always, your bikini/cheesecake/nude photos can be sent to me directly :)


- Guns in EMS

This has been getting a lot of discussion lately about EMTs carrying on the job. Personally, I think if you have gone through the process of getting a concealed carry permit, you  should be allowed to carry everywhere, including at work. I do not have a CCP but am considering applying. To be honest, I don't know if I would carry at work, but I think the freedom to do so should be there for others.

I had a call once for a infant cardiac arrest. It was tragic, the family was extremely upset, and as I was doing compressions. I wasn't even MedicMarch yet: I was just joe-blow March, doing a ridetime. As I looked up from where I was compressing, I saw an AK47 style rifle in the closet. This, combined with the uncle's threats that we needed to save the child, "or else", led me to point this out in a whisper to my preceptor. He calmly asked for Sheriff's department to come out (they were already on the way) and the officers arrived and politely escorted the distraught gentleman outside. Nothing bad happened.

But if the man would have gone for the rifle, I personally would have preferred to have gone down shooting than with a scared look on my face.


- Back in Back(water)

I missed this area. I missed the cane fields, the bayous, the people at walmart.

The farms and farm animals.

The poor part of town.

The rich part of town.

The food.

And the calls.

"How long has your toe been hurting, ma'am?"

People don't believe me when I tell them about the broken toes and itchy butts.

But we also get good calls.  A young flips his truck into the bayou and we have to jump into a flat bottomed boat to get him extricated.

A lonely older lady who tries to overdose.

Heat exhaustion, shootings, strokes, heart attacks, GI bleeds.  A diverse profile of calls and patients, keeping my skills sharp.

I believe in this job. I know now that  I can't do it forever. I don't think I'll make even another 2 or 3 years. But I'm back here now, moved completely away from home into Backwater, and joined the fire department in addition to working for XXXX Ambulance.

And it's good to be back.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Original recipie, or....

"Frankly, I don't understand. Your performance is slipping. Look at all these refusals on transports. You're 2 percent below the minimum."

I'm in the boss's office, called to the carpet. He's got a new clock on the wall. I look up at; it's got the company logo across it. I've been in here so much over the past 6 months I think the chair is conforming to my ass.

I'm in trouble because I told a patient "holler."

 This, of course, has only been on item in a long line of infractions:

-Slightly uncleanshaven, one shift.
-Ran a YELLOW light. Then was accused of lying about it.
-4 records completed late.
-Argued with the local trauma line; gave medication without asking (the ER physician complimented me for the same call, and was most assuredly NOT concerned about my lack of asking permission.)

I tune back into my boss. "....repeated infractions of policy. Why are you such a disciplinary problem?"

"I don't think I'm a problem," I say.

He stares at me. About 30 seconds go by.

I've lost my taste for everything here. The apathy I feel is all encompassing and every day at work is a struggle. I've never felt like this about anything. I'm not even sweating. If I get fired at this point, I could care less. I can no longer stand the weaselly politics and back stabbing and I've lost my taste for the upper management's tactics.

I guess this is burnout.

"I'm putting you on probation. 90 days. If you have one more infraction, you will be terminated." He closes my folder. "I think you need to go back to Backwater."  There's no threat in that sentance, but his voice is gravid with suggestion and...anger. Is he really this mad?

I think of Backwater, another service area in our company. I'm could work.

I spend the next three months off the boss never misses an opportunity to praise me in front of his boss - I get compliment letters every other month or so, and at staff meetings he pulls me to his side with a big shitting grin and compliments me, hitching himself to the praise wagon, taking credit where he is due none. But when other employees are praised on our company's website, my name is absent from the rosters; the compliments are filed into my personnel file and he does not speak to me about them personally.

On day 91, he shakes my hand and tells me what an improvement I've made and that he's glad I'm finally listening to his leadership. I give him a big shiteating grin and shake his hand. The next day I'm weighing my options about other employment or going back to school. Instead, I put in my request to go back to Backwater. Maybe there's still a little life in me after all.


Friday, March 2, 2012

- Thunder in Paradise

She's been standoffish, and it's starting to affect our team dynamic. There's an underlying tension between the two of us - we hang out off duty, drink beers at a local sports bar, whatever off duty is no problem. But two or three hours into a shift and I can tell she's frustrated with me, or with something. Benni has been having serious issues with her boyfriend, I know. I need to be understanding, but I need her present and get it together, because I can't do it all by myself.

I just can't figure out a way to tell her. I never tired just telling her that, and I wonder now if things would be different if I had.

It comes to a head one afternoon. I get frustrated with patient and it bleeds into my voice. She gives me a disgusted look and melodramatic sigh and walks off the scene. Later she refuses to help me move a stretcher. After the call, when we get back to the station, I tell her not to get out of the cab. I want to be compassionate and ask her whats wrong, but as I start to open my mouth she rolls her eyes and my temper skyrockets.

"Okay, look, I don't know what your fucking problem is, but let's get it worked out."

She immediately snarls back at me "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TALKED TO A PATIENT LIKE THAT!"

The patient is question was a psych patient refusing to answer any of my questions. She was completely uncooperative, and finally I said "Holler!" and walked out.

"You can't be serious Benni. You've got to be fucking KIDDING ME."

We argue in the cab, yelling back and forth. I won't get into more detail then that. Our supervisor happens to walk outside and sees us yelling. I see Bennie glance out of the corner of her eye, and she stops arguing, open the door, and yells "I JUST CAN'T WORK WITH YOU ANYMORE, MARCH!" She starts crying and runs towards the back.

My supervisor walks up to me. I put in a dip and tell him "get me a fucking partner who wants to work."

I walk to the front of the station.

He rejoins me about 20 minutes later and I give him my side of the story. He suspends me a shift for the "holler" comment. I want to fight about it, but I'm too tired. I'm too fucking tired. And deep down I think he's right.

To Be Continued.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Overheard in ACLS refresher:

Instructor: "Ok, MedicMarch, how would you prepare your patient for cardioversion?"

MM: "I get right in front of them and scream 'Prepare to see the face of GOD, MOTHERFUCKER!'

I still passed.