Saturday, December 15, 2012

- Whoops

We had just transferred care of a patient and I'm making eyes and telling jokes to this overly made up nurse who is sitting next to three other relatively attractive nurses at a local ER. One of my friends, one of the ones sitting next to the Barbie, works there. She's entering information about a patient and gets a confused look on her face. I ask her what's up, and she tells me.

"I don't know how to describe my patient's pee."

I suavely look at the squadron of nurses and say, "I'm pretty creative. I think I can I can help you."

The Barbie looks at her friends and looks back up at me in shock. "You really want to do that?" Her eyebrows go up.

I give an arrogant toss of my shoulders. "It's just pee. How hard can this be?", and walk into the room behind my friend. I can see Barbie's reflection in the glass of the patient's room. She looks just like a confused puppy, albeit  one used for cosmetic testing.

My friend closes the door and goes to the side of the bed, where I assume I'm about to inspect a Foley bag filled with urine that looks like a resort of sea monkeys. Instead, she reaches down and grabs the corner of the patient's blanket, which she promptly pulls all the way up to the patient's chest. Ok, this is weird.

The Barbie nurse sneaks in with us, still staring at me, which is getting a little freaky.

I turn around to find my friend holding the patient's junk in her hands, pointing to the weirdest Foley insertion I've ever seen - it's like a supra pubic catheter placement, except going through the patient's scrotum.

I suddenly realize that my friend didn't say "I don't know how to describe my patient's pee."

She said "I don't know how to describe my patient's penis."

And in their eyes, I went from flirting with 4 hot ladies to immediately and enthusiastically attempting to stare at a patient's wiener.